Deep Breaths

Who here feels stressed or anxious everyday?

We have all heard of fight or flight, it’s a stress response that helps the body prepare for impending danger.

The problem is when this response is triggered by stresses we experience every day and not in response to being chased by a tiger.

The result is all sorts of health problems including high blood pressure and anxiety. Stress also suppresses the immune system and makes you more likely to get sick and 'ain't nobody got time for that!

Of course we can’t just avoid stress and in fact it wouldn’t be useful to try. We can, however, change how we respond to it. One way is through deep breathing. Big breaths into our bellies that put us into a more relaxed state.

Try something for me now…tense all of the muscles in your body…in your arms, your legs, your shoulders…now…try and take a deep breath. You just can’t.
It’s this tension…that most of the time we are not aware of…that deep breathing will also help us to get rid of.

Anxiety just melts away in the moment for me. 
It also releases endorphins which are the bodies Happy brain chemicals. 
Endorphins also the bodies natural pain killers. 
Breathing into your belly, using your diaphragm, helps removes toxins from the body.
Reduces stress and lowers blood pressure.
Helps you sleep better.

Use the picture to guide you through.
Breathe in through your nose, deep breath into your belly for 4 seconds. Hold onto the breath for 4 seconds and then allow the breath to release through your mouth for 4 seconds. Hold again for 4 seconds and then start around the square again.

Living in space

If you have a child with a diagnosis, disability or difference then you will have seen the poem “Holland” 
you know the one
The start goes like this…

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. But you land in holland…. "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

It is a wonderful way to express what we go through but I felt it didn’t quite hit the mark and so I decided to rewrite it to reflect the journey for those of us with complex and palliative care kids…

So here it is..

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.

Except you aren’t even on a plane…as it tilts backwards ..you slowly realise you are on a rocket.

"But wait this isn’t a plane, this isn’t a trip I planned!" you exclaim ..but it’s too late.

The countdown starts are you are blasted into space.

It’s not like space is a terrible place, you have even dreamed what it’s like to be amongst the stars…but you didn’t want a go!

As you start to float, you realise it’s not like any other place on earth anymore. People are different up here. 

Aliens come to visit and they speak a new language, a language of PEG, CPAP, SATs and lines. They are friendly aliens, but it can still be scary to see so many all the time, especially if you don’t always understand what they are saying.

You are not allow to panic though, everyone tells you it’s very very sad you have blasted into space…but not to worry…

You worry. 
It’s hard for people to visit space. 
You start to talk the new language too and people start to not understand you anymore either. The aliens become your new friends.

You see stories of people back on earth, in Italy having a wonderful time. And you say, yes I was supposed to go there too, even holland would have been ok. 
But space is very hard. 

There are wonderful things about space. The view out the window is breathtaking and you gain a perspective no one has ever seen. Sometimes you will be the only one in the world to have ever had that particular perspective. 
But soon you realise there are other people that have been blasted into space too! 
They speak the funny language and wear that space suit to project them from feeling all the things they would be feeling up there. 
They all use technology to speak to each other or they meet in the space station. It’s not like going for a normal coffee…but it’s all they have. They gather and chat in their new language and the people on earth are often shocked by their dark sense of humour. 
The pain of not being on earth is always there, but you start to love space too. 
It has some cool stuff and the people you meet are incredible.

But we know we are not allowed to live in space forever. 
It’s a very special place but eventually we will have to go back to earth. 
We never know how long we have.
We never know when it will be time to go.

But the most comforting thing about space is that when a little astronaut goes out for a spacewalk..and doesn’t come back…they don’t have far to go to join the stars.

Is fear holding you back?

We are born with only two innate fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds, the rest we learn along the way. Sometimes are fears are things we have picked up through and experience and sometimes we have taken on fears of others through our family and friends.

Your brain works in many ways to keep you safe.. but it can also be off kilter... it perceives so many things as a danger. In fact your brain will send out a warning signal each and every single time you do anything for the first time.

“Ohhh you won't be good at this, ohhh watch out this is hard... be careful!!” It screeches. 

Most of the time you are not in any danger at all and you just need to tell you brain to pipe down!

“Thanks for the warning brain but I have got this”

If you are brave enough to push through these signals and give it a go anyway there is nothing quite like that feeling of achievement.

In the meantime you could be spending anything from a minute to weeks feeling scared about something you know you want to or should be doing and we all know that's not a nice feeling.

So for now...think about something that you did in the past that you were fearful off but then you pushed through and did it anyway. Remember how good to felt afterwards, how rewarding the experience was and how it really wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be in the first place. 

Use that feeling now...hold that feeling...and tell your brain it's going to feel great this time too. It's called a future facing feeling. Don't think about your fear right now, think instead about how great you know it will feel afterwards. 

Literally…tell yourself…

“Hey brain.. gonna do a presentation at work today, I am going to smash it and it's going to feel so good!

Every time you feel like you might throw up about it or even stop yourself from doing it altogether tell yourself

“I will smash it, I will be awesome” over and over and over.

Let this mantra become the only truth. Flood your mind with this new thought so there is no room for the fear. Let this be the only way... 

By the time you do the thing you were so fearful of it will be a walk in the park. 

Your comfort zone isn't comfortable at all.

We are creatures of habit…programmed to do what feels safe, what feels comfortable and what conserves the most energy. This is why we are drawn to staying to bed, watching endless hours of netflix and taking the easy option. 

But in order to thrive and not just survive…in order to achieve the extraordinary and not just the ordinary we need to shove ourselves up and out of the comfort zone more often. 

Actually…I really dislike the term comfort zone. Mainly because for most people it’s not comfortable at all. The things I mentioned above are like junk food for the soul…great at the time but make us feel yuck afterwards. 

It can be comfortable to say, "I will do that tomorrow" or "Forget it, I wouldn’t have been any good at that anyway," but it really doesn’t feel comfortable afterwards does it? In fact that “comfort zone” can fuel anxiety, stress and that horrible, ”I should have done” feeling.

So I won’t call it the comfort zone, it’s more like the submission centre we are submitting to the side of ourselves that wants an easy life and let ourselves off the hook. Not because of self care or preservation but simply because we can’t be bothered.

Change the excuse you are giving to yourself from what you are saying right now to “It’s not a priority” and see how that feels.

"I don’t wanna work out"  verses "My health is not a priority." 

Not so comfortable now is it…

"I don’t wanna work hard" verses "My future is not a priority." 

You can do more and you do deserve better. Don’t let yourself off the hook.

The Power of your words.

“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don't mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime." -Rachel Wolchin

No matter who you are, no matter what you do, never underestimate the impact your words can have on others. ALWAYS be mindful of interactions with people. YOU can be the difference in someones day...make it a positive difference.

Let me give you an example….I bet you still rememeber something horrible a kid said to you at school or someone said. The person who said it however…probably still can’t. For the person uttering them a string of words can be meaningless…but for the receiver it can be life changing. 

This is why it’s so important to be mindful of what is coming out of your mouth. 

Especially in anger. We all know how hard it is to stop outselves when we feel angry..but here is something that might help you

A Japenese scientist named Dr. Emoto gained international fame from the film “What the Bleep Do We Know?!”  which praised his experiments on the cellular structure of water. 

During his experiments he seperated 100 petri dishes of water and he praised  half…and shouted at and scoled the other half. The results were remarkable with the praised water forming beautiful shapes and the scoled half becoming jagged and ugly. 

In another experiment, Masaru Emoto tested the power of spoken words. He placed two cups of cooked white rice in two separate mason jars and fixed the lids in place, labeling one jar “Thank You” and the other, “You Fool.” The jars were left in a school classroom, and the kids were instructed to speak the words on the labels to the corresponding jars twice a day. After 30 days, the rice in the “you fool jar” that had been constantly insulted was now a black modly mess. The rice in the jar that was thanked was just the same as it was 30 days earlier. 

There is no doubt words are very powerful. So why am I talking about rice and water? Well consider that our bodies are about 65% water…up to 78% when we are babies. 

How many times a day do we throw our words away? 

We say things like, “I hate my hair,” “I’m so stupid,” “I’m such a idiot.” 

Without stopping to think tha these words bring a negative energy to us and affect us on a physical level. Ancient scriptures tell us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Words can start wars, cause harm and break souls…but they can also heal wounds, be uplifting and change lives. 

So THINK before you speak

Is it True? Is it Helpful, Is it Inspiring, is it Necessary and is it Kind. 

 "Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble." -Yehuda Berg

You have a choice.

May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears - Nelson Mandela

If you like helping people this business will give you everything you need. We all want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. It gives people purpose so they can follow their passion. 

It’s about freedom.

Everyone wants to feel free.

Everyone dreams of a life where they can have that freedom of choice, financial freedom, the ability to live how and where you want. 

But it can’t just be about you. the world doesn’t owe you anything.

It’s about being part of something bigger.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Get the monster under control.

What is your first response in a crisis? 

Learn to recognise the emotional response in you and what are your triggers. What can you control?

Anger? Worry? What could happen? 

Learn your pattern, what’s your response?

It’s either going to serve you or slow you down. Most of these feelings have done nothing but steal days and weeks of your life. They haven’t helped you, they don’t move you forward, infact they have stalled you.

You can’t get those days back. We all have a voice in our head that’s tells us the story. Are you in control on that voice or has it become a monster? 

If you have a monster that feeds on negative emotion that it will never get enough and you will get a patten. 

Feeling anger or frustration with a crisis.

You can loose a year that way, stuck in worry, doubt and anger

You don’t have to be.

Get the monster under control.

You are in charge .

Your attitude

Your percepective

Your emotions

Your judgements

Your decision. 

Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash

Secret Life Hack

One Thing you can do right now to work out what you want. 

If you can’t work out what you want to do with your life when work out what you don’t want. Often it’s an easier mindset for people to tap into at first. 

Once you have worked out what you don’t want in your life, then write a list of 5 successful people that you admire. 

What is it about them that you like? What similar traits do you they have? What traits do you have in common with them?

Chances are you admire them as they are some things in them you see in yourself and that’s what resonates in you.

Ask yourself…what would I do for no money? What do others say you are great at all the time?

Often we know exactly what we need to do  or what we would love to be doing it’s just a matter of unlocking those skills, or at least admitting them to ourselves! 

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

The 4 Reasons Mummy Guilt is Ruining Your Life and How to Fix it.

1. Guilt is a wasted emotion and a thief of time

This will be the title of my first book. 

Guilt wasn’t just a glass ceiling for me it was a monster that was screaming in my face “YOU SHOULDN’T BE DOING THIS”

You know the feeling…the one that creeps into your belly every time you think about doing anything that might even slightly be construed to being about you. It makes you feel a bit sick, you worry that you are being selfish and if it’s ok…and you haven’t even done anything yet! You start to over think all the things that might happen and before you know it months, even years have passed and nothing has changed. You still (so desperately) need to do something for yourself but the guilt has become a thief of time. 

2. Serves No Purpose

So is guilt serving you or stopping you? Think about what that feeling has brought you so far in your life? Is guilt bringing you joy, happiness and all the things you want in life or is it bringing you nasty feelings in your chest, mean voices in your head and the same problems you faced before? I am going to go out on a limb here and guess the latter. 

3. Holds us back

Just stop for a second, now think about all the things you would love to do. I don’t just mean “Climb Mount Everest” though that most certainly should be on the list if that’s your goal. I am talking about the every day things that you want to and should be doing to save your sanity and your soul. You want to do yoga once a week? You want to eat healthier? You want to just have a cup of tea in peace! What’s stopping you? Is it just guilt? You are the centre of your children's universe and by taking time out to maintain your SELF you are helping them. You will feel better inside and out and in turn this will help them too. 

4. Gives us Excuses

Change is hard. The day we decide we will start exercising more or eating better for example is the day we need to take action. As soon as we start to think about it, mummy guilt is one of those things that might creep in to stop us.

Ever hear yourself say something like “Yeah but the kids need me to “insert task here” so it wouldn’t be fair of me to go” And there you have it…guilt just gave you another excuse not to do something you know you need to be doing for yourself. 

How can we fix it?

The first thing we need to do is be aware of the little voice in our heads. The little voice that makes us alllll the stories and excuses for us. Can you hear what it’s saying to you?

Maybe you are stuck in an old pattern of always putting others first and never doing anything for yourself. How is that working out for you? Often we are run down mentally and phyiscally and stuck in the same loop in our head “I shouldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair if I did that, I can’t because of the kids, There is no time for me”

YOU are in charge of YOU.

Once upon a time you put yourself last and now it’s become a habit. You might not even realise you are doing it anymore. Then you get to the end of the day and you are exhuasted in every way.

Let me give you a little secret

Leans in and whispers

*It’s ok to put yourself first. The kids need you, so they need you to be well, to be happy, to be fulfliled. However that looks for you.*

You are also teaching them a valuable lesson. That in order to serve others to the best of your ability you need to sort yourself first. 

You can’t fill a tank from an empty bucket.

What do they say in every plane safety announcement…you need to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others…and the same is true for your life.  

You can't pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first

5 steps to finding out your life's purpose.

Knowing what your life's purpose is can seem like a never ending quest. If you have wondered about your life's purpose you are not alone. 

On Amazon there are 67,085 books about how you can work it out. Overwhelming much!

Adam Leipzig in his amazing TED talk says it's more simple than we think. In only 5 questions anyone can work out their life's purpose.

Who you are, what you do, who you do it for, what those people want and need, and how they change as a result. 

Who you are is the easiest step...That's you, your name. 

What you do: If you hate what you do at the moment then think about what you love to do. What brings you joy? Is it painting, being creative, designing, crunching numbers, teaching, helping people. If a lot comes into your mind then think about: what are you so great at that you could teach other people all about it too.

Who you do it for: Family, clients, the list could be endless. It's what matters to you.

What do all those people want or need: What do they want or need that you have, that they’ve come to you so you can give them this thing. 

How do people change or transform as a result of what you give them.

Now put it all together in one sentence. 

Adam then goes on to say:

"Now, why is that formulation so powerful? Because of all of those five things that you need to know to know what your life purpose is, only two are about yourself. The other three of them are about other people: who they are, what they want or need, and how they change as a result.

That formulation forces you to be outward facing. And all the happier people that I met were outward facing, they were not inward facing. They knew very clearly whom they served, what those people needed, and how those people changed as a result.